Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Oh my God. Last night was a colossal waste of time.

I think the outlaws already knew we were moving to Rochester, because after we told them, the first thing my mother in law asked was if Kevin could still get Disability. And that pretty much set the tone for the evening....everything either came back to money, or to them.

We were told we need to grow up. She told me I have a problem with female authority figures, and she called me a puppet master. She insulted my mother and my sister. She complained that she didn't get even a Christmas card (we didn't send them to anyone) and she complained that she didn't get any wedding pictures (neither did anyone else). She told Kevin that if he didn't come back to Cleveland for my father in law's 50th birthday party, she would never speak to him again. My father in law said we could move to China for all he cares.

Every time I tried to express how I felt about this, I was belittled or mocked. Basically the way everything went was that I would say how I felt about something, she would retaliate with something completely unrelated, and I had to defend myself. Nothing we said was considered with respect.

I brought up the lying, which she said she didn't do. I brought up her coming to my work, with which she saw no problem whatsoever. She also made it abundantly clear that she blames me for Kevin's psychological break and hospitalization - because of all the stress I put on him from the wedding. She said this all started when she refused to let invite my 30 extra choir members to the wedding. (About which she is absolutely right, because it was then that I took control of my wedding and we decided to do things our way.)

I feel defeated.

I tried my very best. I was calm and non-accusatory. I didn't place blame on anyone, but she didn't even listen to what I had to say. Kevin spoke up twice, but it wasn't enough. She thinks I don't allow him to call her or to visit her. She thinks when we move I will forbid him to have anything to do with her. I tried to tell her that is just not how I am, but the whole conversation was her disparaging me and picking apart my character flaws.

It was awful. I feel like we accomplished nothing, and I'm obsessing over it now because I'm trying to rationalize in my head that she is a logical person, but she isn't. I think she is completely disillusioned.


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