Monday, March 29, 2004

It always astonishes me how much people can change when you don't see them every day. Or even every year. And I mean physically change.

So, last night I was at Six Pockets with Kevin, Scott, and Lauren playing darts. At one point, Scott turns to me and says, "Do you recognize that girl over there?" So I look, and I do recognize her. Vaguely. After thinking about it, I remembered exactly who she is. Someone I used to be friends with in high school, but someone to whom I haven't spoken in several years. And I mean several. She will remain nameless, but the last time I saw her, she was thin. She is now FAT. (Or, as Beth would say, fatter than whale shit.)

I'm so glad I've stayed the same weight since high school. Otherwise, people would be blogging about me! (Ah.....self-flattery....)

Sunday, March 28, 2004


Yesterday Mom and I went to Toronto to see the Canadian production of The Producers. What a riot. It was a great show.

However, I thought the food was better than the musical. We went for dinner at a place called LaMaquette. Next time you visit Toronto, you MUST go there. I had the best salmon of my life. (Check out the website to see pics and the menu. Mmmm...)
We could all stand to de-stress a little...

(This is the best link I have seen in a long, long time. Enjoy!

Friday, March 26, 2004

Top doc backs picking your nose and eating it

Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.


October Project is going to be in town:
We are rescheduled for Saturday, June 5th, at Water Street Music Hall. We can't wait! We'll have specifics soon."

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I just remembered that today is the day the people who bought our house were supposed to move in. I hope the smell of cat pee doesn't bother them too much! (Can you tell I'm a little bitter still?)
Go Syracuse!
Here is what I did today:
1. Laundry
2. Ate avocado spread on whole wheat toast (yummiest thing ever)
3. Called my old bank in Cleveland to yell at them for not closing my account
4. Yelled at Progressive for still not sending me my insurance cards
5. Yelled at the cable company for billing me for another month of service
6. Called the storage place in Cleveland for sending me a letter that said my unit is not secure (OH NO!!!!!!)
7. Paid about 100 bills
8. Wrote letters to my attorneys to find out what's up with my case (still no answer yet)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Among the many gems I re-discovered while unpacking...

From March, 1997: Julia, Rochester Matt, Sue, and me - at Java's-

Me: I think that my thoughts should be elsewhere. Somewhere in perhaps
O H I O, and the amber waves of grain and such. No. I'll not think of such a wretched place. I'll think of

Julia: ...beautifully wrenching figures. Or perhaps not. There's water there that flows through center and back. Sliding over rocks that have lost all sharp edges with time. Time transforming the molecules of water into one...

Matt: flowing moss, containing bits of all it as consumed on its path.
oh god
The twit is still there. Her mouth opening and closing and she has to be talking to me (is it appropriate to say we're having a conversation when I haven't said a word?) for quite some time. And I have no idea, nor care, about what she has said. Then suddenly, either because she has finished her thought or run out of air, she stops and looks at me. I know she wants a response. After an uncomfortable silence I open my mouth and say

Sue: ...Screw you, you stupid whore. {Sue is always subtle.} You never liked me, I never liked you, so why after 5 years are you now standing here wasting my time with this mindless gibberish? I don't care that you're a NAIL TECHNICIAN at Sears. And you don't care that I'm going to grad school - if you even know what that is. And don't worry - I won't be spreading gossip about you when I see my friends. I don't care enough about you for you to even enter my mind. Ever. And I don't care WHAT you say about me. Tell everyone I screwed the Queen of England for all I care. Now get out of my face, get out of my space, get a life, and get out of mine!

Me: Much better. And now that she's gone and I am peacefully alone, I light another cigarette and start to think again. I think that red is the best color of all. I am unconquerable when I wear red. On the contrary. It is I who does the conquering. Passion is red. And it is hot and longing. I am wet with passion. But what if...

Julia: became a river...a river starting quietly and gently as a babbling brook. The brook flowing into a winding river that flows around curves in the earth. Moving toward an uncertain point. The current picking up as if following a metronome that clicks faster. Tumbling over rocks and churning up in some kind of frenzy eventually spilling over into a gorge, water splashing up and catching the light in one final chorus...

Matt: ...Water equates life, I conclude with another sip of tea. Nurturing but potentially deadly...too much or too little will kill you. A precious balance must be kept, just as in life. Balance ...God...what do I know about that? I tend to lead a life of excess, or at least I think I do. But didn't all the great minds always engage in excess? What's wrong with occasionally pushing the envelope, like yesterday when...

Sue: ...I went hang-gliding off of the Rockies. God, it was a beautiful thing. Soaring with the hawks, and all of my troubles below... But alas, that was only a dream. What did I actually do yesterday? I wish I could remember. But of course, living in the present is the best way, and living for the future is the American Way. Where is there room for the past? In a book full of memories, good and bad, that is where the past is kept, safely locked away, so it cannot repeat, or even tell its story. There is too much in the past to tell. Too much much in the future to be missed if we dwell in the past, right? So tomorrow I will...

Me: ...pretend to know what I'm talking about.
Why is it that I so desperately want to have a one track mind? And why is it that it is never possible to think one thought at a time? Why must it be that the backs of all these heads look like his? And oh how I want them to be him. All of them. So that I may face myself when I face him. I know this will never be so; for I am three parts female but only 1 part male. And I ask, what is this damned maleness I feel but barely see?

Julia That one part male in the stereotypical male lusts. For life. Oh I see...YOU are the one with the one track mind. I keep getting distracted and held captivated by a look. As I look up and try to interrupt with my eyes. I am successful and laugh inwardly. I remember a summer or scene or two here. Time is suspended in Java, literally. The same people, only altered slightly. I have always been here, it seems. And although...

Matt: ...time passes, as it must, and he and I change, as we must. There is always that constant. The water, the dreams of what I might do if I had the chance (and wasn't scared), even that shallow, skanky bitch who just graced me with her presence: they are all constants. They are the things that help define me and my existence.

Great. Now my cup is empty and Miss "Overly-Helpful-Let-Me-Get-You-Something-When-You-Don't-Need-It" is nowhere to be seen. And the counter is too far away to walk.

Oh, God's gifts to white trash are leaving. I work hard to make eye contact with Little Miss Blue Light Nail Decorating Special. I'm wearing red so this is easy to do 'cause of the power it gives me. She looks, I smile and wave as if to say:

Sue: Fuck you and the platypussies you stumbled in on.

Me: This, of course, makes no sense to me - why I would have so much contempt and describe it in this way because a detest the P-word. Just as I hate Yoda, that little, perverted, ugly, pointy-eared green man who gave me nightmares as a child. The one who continues to haunt my nights; friend to the bed gnomes who invade my sheets and my mouth while I slumber.

I wish I had more to drink. I could go up to the counter and scam something. I'd say, "Hey, I'm with the band." After all, I am 1 part male. Aw Jackets.

Julia: Ru-ru-rah! ZTA! Oh, uh...wait. That's a different time and story. That does not need discussion. For this would then be the story that never ended. "This is the song that never ends."

Buh'bye I love you.

The End.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Slow down your mind at bedtime

Many people find it hard to "turn off their mind" at bedtime. If this happens to you, gently remind yourself that you can think about these things tomorrow. Then set the thoughts aside. You may have to try this several times before your mind quiets down. Setting up a special time early in the evening to worry and think may keep you from doing it at bedtime.

Easier said than done.

Scott told me to read a book before bed, but I couldn't even concentrate on that. Showering didn't help either. Maybe it's because I'm not in a routine yet, and I have no privacy or time to myself. There is so much many changes...I haven't had time to digest everything.

And then there are the new things, and the things I miss.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Galileo’s head was on the block
The crime was looking up for truth
And as the bombshells of my daily fears explode
I try to trace them to my youth

And then you had to bring up reincarnation
Over a couple of beers the other night
And now I’m serving time for mistakes
Made by another in another lifetime

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of galileo
King of night vision, king of insight

And then I think about my fear of motion
Which I never could explain
Some other fool across the ocean years ago
Must have crashed his little airplane

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of galileo
King of night vision, king of insight

I’m not making a joke, you know me
I take everything so seriously
If we wait for the time till all souls get it right
Then at least I know there’ll be no nuclear annihilation
In my lifetime I’m still not right

I offer thanks to those before me
That’s all I’ve got to say
’cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime
Now I have to pay
But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration
To let the next life off the hook
But she’ll say look what I had to overcome from my last life
I think I’ll write a book

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach the highest light
Except for galileo God rest his soul
(except for the resting soul of galileo)
King of night vision, king of insight

How long
(till my soul gets it right)
[til we reach the highest light]
How long
(till my soul gets it right)
[til we reach the highest light]
How long
We've been in Rochester for a week now.

Last night, while Kevin was hanging out with my brother and sister, a bunch of us went to the Distillery. But it felt like we were all in Cleveland. Among other weirdness-es.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I got this e-mail from Mary Ellen today:

Hey Everybody!
I just wanted to let you all know that Sean Patrick was born on Friday, March 5th at 1:35 AM. He weighed 7 lbs. 3 oz. and was 18.5 inches long. He is a happy healthy baby and is doing well! I am also doing well and am loving being a mommy! Hope all is well with you!

Mary Ellen

The first of my friends to reproduce! Many congratulations to Mary Ellen and her husband Ed.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Yesterday I won $20 on a scratch off lottery ticket, and aside from the 70 degree weather, that was the best part of the day. Packing blows.

Friday, March 05, 2004

We left here on Tuesday about 10ish. Oscar meowed and howled the entire 4 hours. By the time we got to Lollypop Farm I was a wreck. So we go in there and have to wait, but I am such an idiot!!!!! This is how the conversation went:

Intake Lady: What do we have here?
Me: This is Oscar.
Lady: Why are you bringing him in?
Me: He pees.
Lady: We don't put house-soilers up for adoption.
After she asked me a few more questions and looked at my driver's license, I started crying. It was awful. I took him back into the holding room but he would not let go of me.

I don't want to talk about that anymore. It was like Sophie's Choice. Ugh.

We took our stuff to the storage locker when we got there, had a lovely steak dinner with my parents, and then went to Six Pockets to play darts.

Wednesday we spent all day in the car driving back.

Yesterday was Kevin's birthday, so in between doing birthday stuff, we packed and packed and packed.

This morning my 2 remaining babies are going to the vet for their vaccine boosters and check ups, etc.

Tomorrow my Dad and my brother and driving out again for another load of stuff. We're almost done!!!!

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Unemployment: Day 2

Friday was my last day of work. The company's going out of business plans were confirmed last Thursday afternoon, so in a way I was glad to escape the inevitable. I was sad to leave my co-workers...there was lots of hugging and crying and pizza! Even Boss hugged me and got a little teary when I left. I'll miss them.

Sunday was even worse. My last day at the church. There was even more crying and hugging, but cake instead of pizza. The Pastor announced the reception for me before the service started, and she got all choked up! Amazing! She and I NEVER got along. Anyone who has known me in the past 5 years has heard their fair share of my bitching and moaning about how awful she is. But maybe I touched her life and never even knew it. That's what my Mom says.

I have learned so much about myself from being at that little church. In many ways, my faith journey began there.

Anyway, on Sunday the Pastor did something rather surprising. After she gave the Benediction, everyone sat down while I started the Postlude. At first I couldn't figure out what was happening. I thought I had screwed up. Then I realized they were actually listening to me play! Usually the congregation is falling over themselves to get out of there, especially when it's a nice day, as it was on Sunday. But they all sat down and listened to me play...and I played my very best.

When I was done, the Pastor asked me to come out in front of the altar and I received a standing ovation.