I think to be a part of music, music is something that chooses us, and it is truly an elixir. I've never experienced anything in my life like music, because it doesn't um make demands in a way that a relationship does. I do feel like it's boundless and endless. And when I've read that there's tone out in the galaxy... I was reading somewhere the other day that there was a place that had a B-Flat, that was its tone, one of my favourite keys, and I just was thinking to myself, the idea, the sounds that the universe makes, creates, and we're a part of that, when we want to give up and have a hard day, or we feel like we don't fit here on the planet, we have this opportunity to be part of creativity and that is just... that's why we're here.
--Tori Amos

Whew. I just finished cleaning the basement, washing the basement stairs, washing the kitchen floor, and cleaning up the clutter in the office. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE OUR FIRST SHOWING TOMORROW! ALREADY! AHHH!!!!!! I even have a first load of packed boxes. *sigh*

Birthday wishes today to Julia ! Happy Birthday, Jules. I hope you have time to celebrate today!

I'm pretty sure I've been firewalled out of my e-mail from work. Their little passive aggressive way of controlling things, I suppose, since no one ever told me I couldn't check e-mail from work.

Blah.

The realtor came over on Sunday, went through the house and told me everything I'm doing wrong in my housekeeping. Well, of course I know I should clean up the cat hair that collects on the basement stairs, but when you work 55-60 hours a week, who has time for that? I saw some article somewhere on things you should do to help your house sell. These things include rolling your towels instead of folding them, to make your bathroom seem like a spa. Which I did, but don't tell anyone. It also suggested baking a pie for a nostalgic, comforting effect. Again, who has time for that crap?

The realtor also came back this morning to take pictures for the internet and to put a lock box on the door. I cannot imagine other people coming into my house and looking in my closets and cupboards. How creepy.

Our first Open House is this Sunday.

To make matters worse, Boss renigged on letting me have the day after Thanksgiving off. Originally we had planned to go to Columbus for a somewhat long weekend with my aunt, my mother, my sister and her boyfriend. I can forget about that now. I am really pissed off about that, because this was the only thing I had to look forward to. So I cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes after he told me I couldn't have the day off.

Unbelievable. Things just get worse by the day. And I'm not looking for pity, I just feel like shit lately - run down and unmotivated to do anything, let alone try to keep a positive attitude about any of this.

Somebody kick me in the ass, will ya?

Relaxation is now over.

There's a Realtor coming over tomorrow to go over the house with us. Which means that today we must clean, clean, clean.

happyfuckinganniversary.

Yesterday the planets in my world seemed to be aligned for the first time in ages. Everything sort of fell in to place, and miraculously, I was relaxed! (I'm sure it was no coincidence that after I had mentioned to a co-worker how great it would be if someone brought in Halloween candy, more specifically, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, which are my favorite, that one of the students ACTUALLY HAD brought them in.) Divine intervention it was. And at home things were good last night.

Today is a different story. I think my planets are maligned, judging by how my morning went. Got up, stepped out of bed right in to a huge pile of cat puke. In bare feet. Ick. I turned on the light to look around, and it was ALL OVER the floor next to my side of the bed. I felt like I was in a horror movie.

Now I can't for the life of me get into my Hotamail account because apparently the web site is experiencing technical difficulties. Yet, through the use of company e-mailed I've discovered that my daily e-mail buddy isn't having any problems with his account. Grr!

I'm maligned.

Where does one draw the line between being honest and being tactful, and not feel guilty for doing so?

Someone once told me that you cannot force a person to feel guilty - that person creates his or her own feelings of guilt and chooses to feel them or not feel them. I don't know how much truth there is in that statement. I know I personally do not have that much control over my feelings. I feel what I feel, when I feel it, based on the surrounding circumstances. I suppose the only way, then, to control my feelings would be to also control the circumstances which affect them. Ha!

And now to get into a little he-said/she-said heresy: yesterday my husband told me that my mother-in-law told him that I said my friends thought I should leave him. Which of course did not happen, nor would it ever, I suspect. I suppose I should just leave this one alone, but where on earth does Mother-in-law get off making such presumptions? Grr! And do I confront her about it? I've learned that with her, all I can do is take what she says at mere face value.

At least the dogs get along.

Bad day...a pumpkin rots all over my table and leaves a stink throughout the entire house. The grass needs mowed, the dishes need washing, the laundry needs washing, and I am unmotivated.

I know moving is the best possible thing I could do for us...for our marriage at this point, if even that is to be saved.

I have always believed that things happen for a reason. I don't necessarily believe in pre-destination, but I do think I am on a particular path. My choices affect that, of course, but I think eventually I will get to go where it is I'm meant to go. My choices just may postpone me getting there. And I'm sure I'm supposed to learn along the way.

Today at work a customer felt the need to tell me her life story on the phone - her son had recently been beaten within an inch of his life, and consequently she was so depressed she tried to kill herself. Now why people feel the need to unburden themselves on me, I don't know. But one thing she said struck me: "Heidi, I've been through hell."

Lady, you don't know what hell is.

You are Westley. You started out as a farmboy, and
then faked your own death so you could make it
as a pirate. You're strong with steel,
strength, and intelligence. In the end, you
came back and won the heart of Buttercup.
You're everyone's hero!

"As you wish."


What character from The Princess Bride are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

god i love to turn my little blue world upside down
god i love to turn my little blue world upside down
inside my head the noise
chatter, chatter, CHATTER, chatter, chatter
you see i'm afraid i'll always be
still coming out of my mother upside down

don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down
oh i know you love to turn this little blue girl baby upside down
but my heart it says
you've been shatter, shatter, shatter, SHATTER, shattered
and i know you're still a boy
still coming out of your mother

but when you gonna stand on your own
i say the world is sick
you say tell me what that makes us darlin'
you see you always find my faults
faster than you find your own
you say the world is getting rid of her DEMONS
i say baby, what have you been smokin'

well i dreamed, i dreamed
i dreamed i loved a black boy
my daddy would scream
oh yeah

don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down
any kind of touch i think is better than none even upside down
but you see i'm tangled up
got a kitten, kitten, kitten, KITTEN in my hair
cincinnati, i like the word
it's the only thing we can't seem to turn upside down

well i found the secret to life
i found the secret to life
i'm okay when everything is not okay
i said i found the secret to life
i found the secret to life
i'm okay when everything is not okay
is not okay

oh, we turn and we turn our little blue world upside down
i said, don't we love to turn our little blue world baby upside down
inside my head a voice
chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter
and it says girl you're all the same
still coming out of your mothers
still coming out of your mothers upside down

it's happy bunny...in my mailbox

Many thanks to Courtney for sending me cute package in the mail yesterday...she sent me Happy Bunny stickers, Happy Bunny candy, Happy Bunny mints, and my favorite - a yummy bubble gum flavored Happy Bunny car freshener that says "hey you made me throw up a little". After the week I've had (our house goes up for sale today), I definitely needed cheering up. Thanks, Court.

brrr

I woke up this morning and what did I see? A light dusting of SNOW on my car. I'm not ready for that yet. It makes me want to hibernate 'till next June. Where did Autumn go???

wisdom comes from all places

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's, could write something so very eloquent ...and so very appropriate:

A wonderful Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to
kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all
mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

Courtesy of Mike, and found in my inbox this morning. A good way to start the day.