Things I Have Been Asked Recently

By an old guy at church, regarding my MINI Cooper: "Couldn't you afford to buy a REAL car?"

By my favourite 7 year old: "Was Jesus a zombie because he came back from the dead?"

By my mother: "Are you having a mid-life crisis?"

warriors in training

Rollins Pond Campground
Saranac Lake, NY - July, 2013
Photo by me

From Pema Chödrön:

Each time we retaliate with aggressive words and actions we are strengthening the habit of anger.

We are warriors in training being taught how to sit with edginess and discomfort. We are being challenged to remain and relax where we are.

Once we click into solid views of justification or blaming, our minds become very small. Closing down in any form causes suffering to escalate.

I like to re-read my self-help books a lot. One of my favourites is Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie. People with loved ones who are alcoholics often feel alone. Responsible. Guilty. Hopeless. Unloved. Out of control. Drowning. Hurt. Shut out. It is so hard to take care of one's self when all you want is to be loved and cared for by the alcoholic. It begins to drive you. You tirelessly seek out what you crave so badly. Sometimes you get a little smidge of attention. I call this the 'dangling carrot.' It's just enough to keep you hanging on for a little longer.

Alcoholics are selfish people who can only think about alcohol and themselves. They say the disease of alcoholism prevents one from feeling any compassion for others. And for so long I thought I was the one causing all the problems. Sure I have some issues but I have worked on them. But we still are not getting anywhere. No improvements, because the alcoholic is all-consumed. My need to control, parent, nag, obsess, etc., is codependency. It’s what I do. I previously believed I was just intensely insecure. I didn’t even realize what was happening at first. The alcoholics in my life made good and sure I knew everything was "my fault." I accepted so much blame for things that were not my fault. I took care of everything, fixed everything, smoothed everything over. That responsibility does not belong to me. I learned how to stop. It was loving detachment in the name of self-preservation.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” ― Pema Chödrön

fundamental nature

Bald Rock, Tenterfield, NSW, Australia:
The largest granite monolith in Australia.
Photo by me, July 22, 1992.

I had a rather heated, animated discussion last night about fundamental nature. My arguments were probably more fueled by wine rather than logic, yet I pressed my companion into answering my questions, maybe even baiting him at times. What is fundamental nature?  Is one's fundamental nature made up of character traits? Can it change over time? Can our thoughts and experiences inform our fundamental nature so deeply that it evolves into something new, with new characteristics?

From the book Visions of Compassion: Western Scientists and Tibetan Buddhists Examine Human Nature (edited by Richard J. Davidson and Anne Harrington), this is what His Holiness the Dalai Lama has to say about fundamental nature:

"The very nature of a person is predetermined in part by what location and culture he was born into. Every culture and society already has a preset of values, rules, and characteristics that shape an individual during his growth and development. This chapter introduces an ethical system such as democracy, responsibility, and individuality, attuned to what one perceives as what is good in human nature. What then, is the basic form of a human nature, one that is free from influences and external factors, one that is present when one has just been born? In addition to this, the way one looks at oneself, in terms of status, gender, and race affects how one acts in the society. It is an intricate web of both inherent and environmental factors that shape a person's individuality."

I put a shout-out on Facebook to see what everyone else thinks. I'm not sure if we really reached any sort of conclusion on this, but it did get me thinking. So much so that I had an awful time sleeping last night. (Or that could have been the wine.) I tend to agree mostly with what the Dalai Lama says, that it's a combination of nurture and nature. 

I can think of a handful of times I was forever changed by an experience. Some incidents that occurred when I was kid, that I'm not ready to talk about publicly yet. My first "epiphany" in therapy. The day I realised I don't ever need to rely on anyone and can completely take care of myself. My first true spiritual experience in nature, captured above.  

on the road to resurrection

Since my last substantial post in 2010, a lot has happened.  My life fell apart again, but I fixed it. Again. In some sense, I have become my truest self to date, the most authentic I have ever been.  

I left my old 9-5 job and started a new one that is much better for me. (Still work there.) I became a permanent vegetarian. I learned yoga. I learned what it's like to be a homeowner in the suburbs. I adopted a third cat. I spent a lot of time in therapy. I learned how to meditate. I started to make peace with old demons. I left my long time church job, which I loved, because of burn-out. I began learning about Buddhism and studied Pema Chodron every day.  I swam a lot. I took up journaling again, but stopped once I thought I got my stuff mostly sorted out. I became on expert on codependency. I tried to work on my marriage - gave it everything I had. I ended up getting divorced anyway for a second time. I created a personal affirmation that I repeat to myself all the time, every day. It came true.  I moved out of the house in the suburbs and back to the city where I lived by myself for the first time since 1999. 

I repaired relationships I had previously neglected. I knitted A LOT of stuff, even sweaters. I learned how to welcome and care for emotional pain rather than ignore it and push it away. I learned how to take care of myself and not rely on anyone to meet my emotional needs. And then I fell in love again, unexpectedly. I learned the Universe is full of irony. I did a pretty fair amount of traveling, including getting on an airplane for the first time since 1992 (all by myself). I drove cross-country from North to South. Twice. (Not by myself.) I added many birds to my Life List. I became an aunt for the first time ever. I hoped the birth of my niece would heal some of the divide in my family but it did not. I got my nose pierced. I went back to my old church job. I moved in with my love. I bought a new car. I lost my best, most favourite feline companion. I got a tattoo.

I might have started blogging again.    

Here is a poem I wrote on 5.28.14

echo from a past life - this is how i imagine it

breathless and flying

navigating

swimming

gliding

uncoiling

emerging

love

controlled chaos

you and i am you are me

we

us

i am born out of life

with wings lifted up

i am opening

come

be

let go

warmth

life-dependent

heat

ancient connection of fire and breath

minds and lungs and souls

and skin and hearts

and bodies

and we

us

you are born out of life

with eyes lifted up

you are opening

creation

innocent pulse

familiar still

immeasurable time

we are old and young and old

together

jaded

hopeful

risky

afraid

we became before we ever were

we know but do not know each other

parallel lives broke

and now bend and twist

and restart and tangle

to intersect in unexpected surprised collision

i am you are me

one

we

us

2015 Book List

1. From Animal House to Our House by Ron Tanner (1/7/15)
2. All Wound Up - The Yarn Harlot Writes for a Spin by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (1/15/15)
3. Living Beautifully: With Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chödrön (4/23/15)
4. Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hahn (4/28/15)
5. Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears by Pema Chödrön (5/18/15)
6. Euphoria by Lily King (5/28/15)
7. Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng (6/7/15)
8. Brain Maker: The Power of Gut Microbes to Heal and Protect Your Brain For Life by David Perlmutter, MD (11/9/15)

2014 Book List

1. The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova (1/17/14)
2. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman (1/31/14)
3. The Reader by Bernard Schlink (3/8/14)
4. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (3/18/14)
5. The Kingdom of This World by Alejo Carpentier, translated by Harriet DeOnis (3/29/14)
6. The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert (8/15/14)
7. The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri (9/15/14)
8. Away by Amy Bloom (11/4/14)
9. Anil's Ghost by Michael Ondaatje (12/29/14)
10. Why Can't I Be You? by Allie Larkin (12/31/14)

2013 Book List

1. An Exclusive Love by Johanna Adorjan, translated by Anthea Bell
2. Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver (1/27/13)
3. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (2/16/13)
4. The Round House by Louise Erdrich (3/11/13)
5. Paris, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by Rosecrans Baldwin (3/26/13)
6. A Year in the World by Frances Mayes (4/28/13)
7. Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer (5/28/13)
8. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer (6/21/13)
9. Grey is the Color of Hope by Irina Ratushinskaya (7/11/13)
10. Wild by Cheryl Strayed (7/22/13)
11. Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön (7/28/13)
12. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (8/22/13)
13. The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön (8/27/13
14. Finding Beauty in a Broken World by Terry Tempest Williams (9/9/13)
15. The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver (10/20/13)
16. In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson (12/9/13)
 

2012 Book List

1. Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi (1/11/12)
2. The Stone Diaries by Carol Sheilds (1/31/12)
3. The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx (2/19/12)
4. The Crow Eaters by Bapsi Sidhwa (3/11/12)
5. How to Grow More Vegetables by John Jeavons (3/27/12)
6. Small Wonder - Essays by Barbara Kingsolver (3/31/12)
7. The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski (5/27/12)
8. Ten Thousand Saints by Eleanor Henderson (6/15/12)
9. The Palace Thief by Ethan Canin (6/28/12)
10. Specimen Days by Michael Cunningham (7/19/12)
11. Accordian Crimes by E. Annie Proulx (9/11/12)
12. Emergency Sex and Other Desperate Measures: A True Story from Hell on Earth by Kenneth Cain, Heidi Postlewait, and Andrew Thomson (9/16/12)
13. The Dance of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D (10/22/12) [re-read]
14. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt (10/25/12)
15. The Help by Kathryn Stockett (11/28/12)
16. East, West by Salman Rushdie (12/22/12)
17. The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey (12/30/12)

2011 Book List

1. Mother to Mother by Sindiwe Magona (1/9/11)
2. The God of Small Things by Arundhatu Roy (2/28/11)
3. Water by Bapsi Sidwha (3/12/11)
4. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver (4/23/11)
5. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen (5/8/11)
6. The Food of a Younger Land by Mark Kurlansky (6/9/11)
7. Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson (6/30/11)
8. Country of My Skull by Antjie Krog (8/13/11)
9. Kinds of Love by May Sarton (8/30/11)
10. During the Reign of the Queen of Persia by Joan Chase (9/2/11)
11. Coming of Age in Mississippi by Anne Moody (9/6/11)
12. The Women of Brewster Place by Gloria Naylor (9/8/11)
13. Love Warps the Mind a Little by John Dufresne (9/15/11)
14. Stick Out Your Tongue by Mia Jian (9/18/11)
15. Train to Pakistan by Khushwant Singh (9/29/11)
16. Wild Decembers by Edna O'Brien (10/10/11)
17. ¡Yo! by Julia Alvarez (10/13/11)
18. Object Lessons by Anna Quindlen (10/24/11)
19. The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver (11/15/11)
20. March by Geraldine Brooks (11/25/11)
21. Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward (11/26/11)
22. The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus (11/27/11)
23. Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver (12/12/11)

2010 Book List

1. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson (1/20/10)
2. Home by Marilynne Robinson (3/16/10)
3. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss (4/3/10)
4. The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai (?)
5. One Thousand White Women: The Journals of Mary Dodd by Jim Fergus (6/16/10)
6. The Beet Queen by Louise Erdrich (7/4/10)
7. Letter from Peking by Pearl Buck (8/6/10)
8. Pavilion of Women by Pearl Buck (8/23/10)
9. Mahatma Gandhi and His Disciples by Ved Mehta (9/14/10)
10. Little Children by Tom Perrotta (9/16/10)
11. Limbo and Other Places I Have Lived by Lily Tuck (9/26/10)
12. The World According to Garp by John Irving (10/27/10)
13. Food Matters by Mark Bittman (?)
14. Cracking India by Bapsi Sidwha (12/11/10)
15. Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee (12/26/10)

simple abundance

I woke up feeling pretty Zen about everything this morning.  I got some extra sleep, made myself some manual-drip Finger Lakes Roasters coffee and settled on the porch with my hero Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian to do some meal planning. 

What a gorgeous morning it was, and still is.  The sun is burning off the remainders of last night's thunderstorm.  People seem to be extra nice today.  There were no discourteous drivers on the way to the market this morning.  There was a pleasant din at the market itself - the crowd wasn't that bad and people weren't really all that cranky.  Also, I didn't even get pissed off about all the push carts, wagons and strollers which normally annoy me to no end.  I came home with a pretty good haul for the week: squash, eggplant, home-grown asparagus, parsley, cauliflower, and some more heirloom eggplant and tomato plants.  (I planted a bunch last weekend but a rambunctious squirrel destroyed my Cherokee Purple, so I had to get another one.)

Our gardens are looking so lush and vibrant - all I want to do is sit out and watch the plants grow.  There is almost nothing more satisfying to me than growing things; especially my own food.  This morning for breakfast I had a bowl of Puffins with strawberries from our strawberry patch.   So delicious!

We also have quite a lot of birds visiting the feeders.  Mostly we have sparrows, goldfinches, house finches, cardinals, chickadees, blue jays and mourning doves.  Occasionally a red belly woodpecker will make an appearance, like the other day.  Yesterday and this morning I also heard a hermit thrush calling from somewhere out behind the house.  That was pretty cool. No humming birds yet, but I think I got the feeder out early enough that we might get some later.  We have a honeysuckle bush that was a big hit last year, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The hops continue to flourish.  Husband and I are very much looking forward to September when we'll be able to brew a wet hop something-or-other (I'm hoping for a pale ale).  We think this variety are Cascade, but we're not totally sure. 

I love days like this.  I would much prefer to put off my errands and other household tasks for another day, but I think if I do I'll be way behind.  I want to have next week free and open.  :)

for my mom

Dear Mom:

Thanks for being OK with it if I had wanted to marry a Jewish guy.  You are way ahead of your time and a pretty cool lady when Dad isn't around.

Love,
your daughter

thursday's thoughts

First, to RG&E:

You are stupid. Much like the time you told me I owed $9,00.00 for natural gas usage, you have f-ed up once again. You know how.

Second, to my co-workers:

Please do your own jobs.  I hate it when I have to pick up your slack.  Slackers.

That is all.

trying to do the right thing

We have some neighbors with kids. These kids - and I don't know for sure how many there are - range in age from toddler to mid-teens. They are very sweet kids except for when they are throwing their trash into our front yard. They are very sweet kids except for when they are screaming at each other. Also, they are very sweet kids when they are helping me shovel the driveway.

Back in February when we had that giant snowstorm with more snow than I'd seen in recent memory, I was out one Saturday afternoon shoveling. Some of these kids were eying me from their front porch. After several minutes, they wandered over, probably out of boredom, with an extra shovel. Without a word, we were all heaving snow together. When it came time to dig my car out (it was completely buried) and move it out of the way, they even helped me do that.

With their assistance it wasn't long before I was salting the last of the driveway, all of the snow pushed aside as much as possible. I suggested we have some fun and build a snowman. That really got them to open up. I think by this point I had 4 of them over in my yard - a 5 year old, a 7 year old, a 9 year old, and a pre-teen. None of them had gloves or mittens, so I dug some out of the chest and passed them around. They were my "thank-yous" for the help with the shoveling.

As they started chatting more and more I learned that they are often left home alone. When their mother IS home, she sleeps all the time. If she isn't sleeping, she is on the computer. They all have different fathers, none of whom is ever around. They refer to each other as "my sister on my dad's side." and so forth.

We had fun working on this snowman. She turned out to be a snow-lady, actually. When we were done they went home and I went in the house.

The point of this post:

For the next several months, and it continues now, these kids are constantly coming over to our house. They see me pull in the driveway and up the driveway they run. If the gate is closed, they will open it and come in the yard. One evening Ryan and I were having dinner on the back deck and the 5 year old came over, up on to the deck, pulled a chair up to the table and proceeded to stick her grubby little hand in Ryan's salad bowl and started pulling out lettuce leaves. She now tries to walk right in the back door, without knocking, if I don't have it locked.

Do you think the mother knows this is going on? I'm sure she doesn't. We feel incredible sorry for this family. It's obvious they are living in poverty and that the kids are emotionally neglected as well. There is a fine line, however, I feel that we're walking. We can't teach these kids that it's OK to come over whenever. There are awful liability issues here, too, but we want to be good influences on them. A couple of my friends suggested calling CPS but I'm on the fence about that.

Anyway, remember those gloves I handed out in February? When I rounded the corner yesterday afternoon on my way home from work, a pair of these gloves - bright pink- was lying in the middle of the road in front of their house.

since then

I don't know why I got out of the habit of blogging. Life getting in the way? Maybe. Some pretty major events have happened in the near year and a half since I last posted.

A summary:

1. I think it's a big deal that my little brother finally proposed to his long-time girlfriend. They are now happily engaged and have moved from Greensboro back to Rochester. My mother, of course, is over the moon for this because my brother is the favorite. My brother's fiancee and I have been close since the beginning, so I'm excited to have my friend back. Oh yeah, and it's cool to hang with my brother again, too.

2. Last summer, while we still lived in the South Wedge, we were victims of car break-ins on two separate occasions. Both of our cars had windows smashed and items stolen. Fed up, we moved out of the neighborhood last September. In fact, the night before we moved, I was up late (naturally) reading and I happened to peek out the bedroom window. What did I see? Sure enough, there was a strange guy shining a light into my neighbor's car window. I called the police while Ryan went out to try and scare the lurker away. The 911 operator didn't seem to care at all about what I was telling her, nor did the police ever come.

Moving sucks, any way you look at it, but I'm glad we went through with it. I loved the Wedge a lot because everything was within walking distance - shops, grocers, bars, parks, etc., but it was getting to the point where I couldn't sleep at night.

3. My sister had a nervous break-down about 2 months after starting her graduate work at UGA last Fall. I'm going to spare everyone those details, but she seems to be fine now. It was just a stressful time for our family.

4. While my sister was having her break-down I, myself, started going to therapy. I was long overdue. I have a difficult family (actually my parents are difficult) and it was getting to the point where I was seriously lacking the skills to be able to handle their "antics" appropriately. I am also going to spare those details, but be assured that I am doing just fine. I've learned some pretty good coping skills that have helped tremendously.

5. The best thing that's happened in the last year was marrying my husband. We eloped to Lake Placid two months ago, and let me tell you, eloping is the way to go. After talking about this for months and years we finally decided to just go and do it. It was a huge surprise to a lot of people, but almost everyone was thrilled when they learned the news.

And that's my life in a nutshell. I think I'll be posting more often now, but previously, I think I just needed a break to really get stuff sorted out.

hello?

Is anyone out there? I kind of miss posting. Maybe I'll start up again. I have a lot going on in my head these days.

2009 Book List

1. Digging to America by Anne Tyler (1/4/09)
2. Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin (2/2/09)
3. Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri (2/10/09)
4. The Plague of Doves by Louise Erdrich (2/22/09)
5. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffery Eugenides (3/21/09)
6. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (4/4/09)
7. The Hunters by Claire Messud (4/11/09)
8. The Last Life by Claire Messud (5/15/09)
9. When the World Was Steady by Claire Messud (6/4/09)
10. Lilah by Marek Halter (6/20/09)
11. Rise and Shine by Anna Quindlen (6/27/09)
12. Run by Ann Patchett (?)
13. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett (7/27/09)
14. The Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe (8/27/09)
15. Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout (9/8/09)
16. The Good Earth by Pearl Buck (9/16/09) [reread]
17. When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris (9/24/09)
18. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (10/2/09)
19. The Breakdown Lane by Jacqueline Mitchard (10/17/09)
20. Peace Like a River by Leif Enger (10/25/09)
21. The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter (11/4/09)
22. Shy Girl by Elizabeth Stark (11/5/09)
23. Herzog by Saul Bellow (11/10/09)
24. Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz (11/22/09)
25. It Will Never Happen to Me: Growing Up with Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults by Claudia Black, Ph.D (12/1/09)
26. Dreams of My Russian Summers by Andrei Makine (12/9/09)

still never a dull moment in this neighborhood

I was hoping my first post of the year was going to be something about my resolutions or the healthy lifestyle changes I want to make, or all the books I plan to read. Something like that.

Not tonight.

I am sitting in the living room right now in front of the space-heater with a glass of Dry Riesling, anxious and freaked out. Ryan is up the street playing a gig with The Jugsliders and should be home in another hour and a half.

Half an hour ago, there was an RPD officer on our front porch asking me questions about the shooting that just took place across the street. I was totally oblivious until I saw the reflection of flashing lights on the wall in the corner of the living room. I had cleaned up the dishes, poured myself a last glass of wine, grabbed my knitting, and settled down in the rocking chair. I flipped on the TV for some background noise, but I wasn't really watching anything. I was in the middle of a row on the pair of slippers I'm knitting when I heard something that I thought was a car door slamming. It was enough to startle the cats, so I got up and had a look through the windows. I didn't see anything so I figured my assumption was correct and I sat back down.

Then I noticed the flashing lights through the crack in the living room drapes. When I looked outside, I saw that the street just after our driveway was blocked off with yellow tape. There were half a dozen or more cop cars, a fire truck, an ambulance and a TV camera with reporters set up at the end of my next-door neighbor's driveway. A gurney was wheeled out from the rear apartment of the house across the street and loaded into an ambulance. The ambulance didn't take off right away, so I guessed it wasn't life-threatening. Either that or it was a death, which is a very unsettling thought.

As the officers dispersed, one came up the front walk, little note-pad and pen in hand. I met him at the front door and asked what happened.

"Your neighbor's been shot."

He asked if I'd heard anything and I told him how about 10 or 15 minutes prior I had heard a loud bang or a pop, or maybe a car door. I said how I'd gotten up and looked outside, but not right away, and didn't see anything. He asked if I saw a car drive away, to which I responded in the negative. The officer took my name, phone number, and date of birth. After verifying our address, he said the victim is probably going to be all right, and thanked me for my help.

As I was locking up the front door, I saw an officer carrying a very small child out to the street. the officer took off his jacket and wrapped it around the child. When I saw that, I lost it. I went back inside and called Ryan, hoping he was on a set break. He didn't answer right away, but called me back within minutes because he suspected the reason for my call. He had seen the cop cars driving down the street.

And......here is the developing story as posted by RNews.

I love the Southwedge but this is getting ridiculous. Shootings, stabbings, fires. When will it end?

reading about Africa

I've read a lot of books so far this year. Most of them have been fiction that explores the lifestyles of other cultures in places like India, China, and Africa.

Over the summer I read The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, which told the story of an American missionary family trying to survive and "spread the Gospel" in the Congo. It was fascinating. A few days ago, I finished Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Taking place in Nigeria, it is often compared to the great Greek Tragedies. Now I'm right in the middle of A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali by Gil Courtemanche (translated from French). If you've seen the movie Hotel Rwanda, you'll be familiar with the subject material of this fiction-based-on-fact novel: the 100-day genocide in Rwanda in which approximately 800,000 people were viciously murdered in 1994.

This morning on the way to work I caught a story on NPR about the conviction of a Rwanda army colonel and two others for their roles in the genocide. Here's the CNN story. I always think it's interesting when past and present link up like this for a split second on the morning news.

And? Today is the anniversary of the day the 13th Constitutional Amendment abolishing slavery went into effect back in 1865.

The irony gives me the chills.